personal

?

Jimmy Ray is one of my best friends, thats apparent in the name i call him "jimmy ray" or "jr" but most of you just know him as James Crockett.


Yesterday, while at work, i received three miss calls, back to back, two from bryan, Jr's younger cousin, also one of my best friends, and then Stephen, my brother. It wasn't until i read the text Stephen sent after his call that i understood: "James found Pap dead today. Call me when you can"

I can't explain why it hurts, two of my best friends grandfather passing away. At first i thought it was impact. I called Stephen he was in tears, i call bryan he was in tears, so how could i possibly afford to hold back.
But later last night, when i was driving home, alone, after a decent night out, it hit me again, and when i went over there today to drop off food for the family it hit me again, just like now, its hitting me, and i can't even see the screen or what i'm typing my fingers guide my writing.

So maybe, when my grandfather passed away my senior year of high school, maybe part of me attached my self to Pap in that way. When i was helping him with his groceries, asking him if he needed anything from up stairs, drinking beers next to him at the Legion, watching tv with him downstairs while waiting for jimmy to wake up and bitching about what we are going to do with him! (what are we gonna do with you james?) Maybe all those times i just thought of him as my grandfather....not a replacement of my biological grandfather, but my Pap.
I'm trying to brush this off, I will stay strong through this for Jimmy and for Bryan, hell for Stephen because i know you [Stephen] had a special connection with him. And though i knew this day was coming....its coming for all of us, it not easy, and i sure as hell did not expect to feel like this....i at least expected to know what i was feeling, and right now i have no clue.


If you know Jimmy or Bryan, and hell if you know me, then 10 to 1 you know them, please give them your respects.
Regardless, don't waste your day with anger, never spite anyone, and never go to sleep with a heavy heart. Too many of us know the harsh reality of life: it is short. Too many of us have experienced the loss of a family member, and the loss of close friends.
Live each day to the fullest, and please by kind to each other, stranger or kin.

I'm done